Balancing Career and Family

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about vocation, callings, responsibilities and dreams. I think it's come up as I reached my first anniversary of being at home with my kids. For me, that was a huge change - stepping out of 10 years in the full-time working world to tend to my kids during daytime hours instead. It was the best decision for me and I'm thankful for the opportunity to make it.

But that doesn't mean I don't miss a part of my life, the part of me that used to craft stories daily.

I'm still freelancing, but only very part-time for one publication. I've found any more work to be too frustrating, for me and the kids. I can't be there for them as my primary role if I'm constantly thinking about what I could or should be writing. I can't squeeze one more thing into our schedule if it means stress and chaos for all of us. I remind myself that I gave that up for now. Not forever. Just for now.

But it all gets me thinking. Haven't I, like other women my age, been told since I was young that I could have it all? My parents raised me believing I could be anything I wanted to be. I was never told I couldn't do something simply because I was a girl.

I went on to college to study and prepare for a dream-driven life, complete with whatever career I chose. I pushed myself academically, piled internships into my semesters and set my sites on a career as a journalist. I built one too, first as a reporter for a small paper, then a freelance children's book and magazine feature writer, then a Web writer and editor. I learned to put my talents and passion to work for me, driven to share other people's stories with communities of all sizes. I'm good at what I do and it fills me up in a way other things don't.

At the same time, while I was pushing myself along the path of discovery, I also knew I wanted to fall in love, get married and raise a family. I knew those things would dramatically change my life and I'd likely be the primary caretaker of our children. I envisioned myself with a baby on my hip, running after toddlers at a park, snuggling with stories on the couch.

I don't ever remember questioning how I would do both. I'd seen my mother stay at home, work full-time, work part-time and then return to staying at home. I had friends with working moms and stay at home moms. I just figured I'd work something out and make decisions as they came up. That's all the thought I ever gave it.

Looking back, it deserved much more.

It's far more complicated that just doing whatever works at the time. No matter what decision you make, you're confronted with sacrifices - outcomes that can be painful even if you're still happy with your choice. As women, we can't do it all. We can try. We can do our best juggling everything thrown our way, but we're still left to feel guilty about what we're missing out on, what we're sacrificing of ourselves, how we may be hurting or disappointing others. We also compare ourselves against our friends and peers, assuming they're effortlessly juggling everything while we're falling behind.

It seems to me that's where we, as a society, are failing young women right now. We're promising them everything, but not talking openly about how it will really play out. Career plans and discussions with mentors, teachers, friends and family should include a focus on choices, balance, change and responsibilities. We should encourage young women to lay out all of their plans and dreams early on and consider ways they can piece them together. We should encourage them to seek out mentors they can turn to for advice and support as they weigh their options and make tough decisions.

I'm incredibly thankful for the women in my life that have helped me with balancing career and family: my mother, my mother-in-law and my friends - Beth and Collette specifically. I'll keep turning to them for advice and support as our family grows and changes. I'll keep turning to them as my career plans grow and change as well. And I'll be honest and supportive of those women that turn to me with questions, ideas and plans.

Because supporting one another is the best thing we can do.